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Panic Disorder Support

A refuge

panic disorder support



February 7th, 2011

Hi I started a new LJ for the new year and I always feel such acceptance from this site that I thought I'd reach out and offer anyone support and friendship in adding me to their list.

I post a lot of poetry,music stuff,depressing entries of my every day life..addictions,medical issues,phobias..and i do have fun entries of photos,bands,talks of books and things.
feel free to look over my profile to see if we have enough in common and add me..I'd love it!
Having a rough time now and could use like-minded people who wont judge me.

If this isn't allowed i will remove it,thanks!!

February 12th, 2009

Women and Phobias

Hey guys. My name is RJ and I'm working on a new cable television show for a major cable network. We're looking for women with phobias that we can attempt to cure. Unlike other pervious attempts at shows of this topic, we're interesting in following the entire journey and actually helping, as opposed to exploiting it. I've attached the casting notice. If you or someone you know is interested, please send me an email. We're not casting the show for long so make sure to do it ASAP. This is for women in the United States between the ages of 18 and 40. Thanks and good luck.



Do you have a phobia that's holding you back from enjoying life? Are you looking for help? A major cable network is casting a show that will try and help women overcome their phobias. We're looking for women who have phobias that constrict their day-to-day life and want to take the next step in overcoming their fears. The show will put female phobic’s into a therapeutic environment to help them face their fears head on. Under the guidance of counselors and through the use of therapy the goal of the show is to help these women get their lives back on track. If you’re a woman who’s ready to eliminate your fear once and for all, this is the show for you!

Please email us with your name, age, contact information, picture, and phobia. Be sure to also include in your e-mail a brief description of how your phobia has prevented you from living life to its fullest and why you're ready to conquer it and finally move on.

Send your e-mails to: RJLareseCasting@gmail.com.

February 11th, 2009

I'm wondering if any of you might be able to give me some relaxation techniques or ideas. I'm agoraphobic, and I find myself fighting off panic attacks when I'm sitting alone in my office at work. I know there are other people around, but still, I'm panicing. Also, this tends to happen when I get out of the car, and start to walk into work. I dread going, because I'm afraid of the fear. Any help anyone can offer would be greatly appreciated.

April 28th, 2008

(no subject)

buy buy buy!
dude, seriously, somebody OTHER THAN ME post once in a while, yes? ^^ i guess this is sort of an update/interest in other peoples experiences sort of entry. well, i said i was looking for friends and i found them.
however there are some interesting issues behind it. i know that through the six years (from when i was 21 to now at 27) i was pretty much alone while going to therapy and learning to cope again in the world and i've done it; being in school and graduating and all.

but now i'm facing the social aspect of recovery and i wonder if anyone else has faced something like this.

how do people feel about age difference? my age makes me self conscious. the girls that i've met and whom i really like are all under the age of 22. i'm at an age where 'normal' women have already started their career paths or are married and have started families. i feel like i'm five years behind and i'm afraid that when i tell them my age they will judge me for it. i know people i have tried to befriend in the past have done so. in so many words this one girl said, 'what the hell are you doing here, you should be graduated and starting a family or something already'

is it really weird for me to be hanging out with 20 and 21 years olds? i have tried to find my relative age group and for the life of me i haven't found anyone. presuming they are all either already married or busy with work and/or hanging out at bars which i would never do.
i'm afraid of people judging me for my experiences. what i went through, what we have gone through isn't something that is normal. my responses to the outside world aren't normal. i'm afraid that when all my eccentricities come out along with my fears (of traveling, of being left alone in crowded places) it will leave me alone again. i'm not normal and my experience has been that people avoid abnormal.
i'm terrified to tell people that yes, i spent the last six years battling a terrible mental illness that even now doesn't allow me to do things 'normally'- that i spent a year unable to leave my room without one of my parents beside me, what it took to get me out of that hole, that it took me two years of trying before i could sit for one class, that even now if i have a class longer than two hours i start to shake and break into a cold sweat.
the most hurtful experience i've ever had was that and the lowest point in my life, when i really, REALLY needed someone there for me, my two closest friends turned away.
it took a lot for me to tell them what was going on and at first they were very supportive but as i worsened and all the depression and panic got very very bad they both eventually just...stopped. and that was it, they were the last friends i had in six years.
and now i feel my ...weirdness.. so much it puts me off in opening up to people. tonight, sitting at dinner with these young people having them ask me all sorts of 'getting to know you questions' i thought to myself 'what would they say if they really knew me, knew what i've done, what i've been through. how do i tell them?'
sometimes i feel so ashamed to be where i am; i have failed society's expectations so spectacularly - i'm nothing like anybody. to people who judge success by spouses and children, work and money i have failed all of those at my late age. and now i wonder if people think i'm trying to recapture my lost early twenties and it brings me back to wonder - how will these girls react as little by little they learn how unusual i am. will they think me a burden when i stick to them like glue when we're out in public? when i turn them down when they ask me to do a road trip, or go out for drinks at a bar? things normal people do that i can't and don't want to do.
i don't want to be alone, i don't want that rejection ever again, i don't want my friends to ever turn away from me because i've become a burden. i can't tell you what that did to me.
i hate being introverted. i'm stumbling along, having to relearn social skills and i feel people know it and it is the rare person who will accept it.

February 29th, 2000

yes, me again

buy buy buy!
why is life so ironic? i know i said i had panic attacks and for the most part could deal with them but now lately they are getting uncontrollable again and its effecting my school work. so for the last six years i've lived with my parents in a little house near the university. in january they bought a new, bigger house across the city (about fifteen minutes away) and yesterday they've begun to take out all of their furniture, bed, tv and move into the new house.

now they've said i am welcome to move in with them anytime and for the most part i'll be spending my weekends with them but because i still have half a year of school left i will be staying at the old house alone to finish school. at first i thought i wouldn't have a problem with it; that i had come far enough with counseling and life and dealing with panic attacks that i would be okay. but now since yesterday i've been freaking out, with some nasty panic attacks (i forgot how nasty they could be)

i know the reasoning behind it; its finally happening - they're moving out and i'm finally going to be a 'grown up' and live by myself and take care of myself all by myself. its a major change and it sets off the panic.
i'm afraid its going to get worse, i'm afraid it will make me start skipping classes, or leaving during my classes again like it used to, i'm afraid of failing or dropping out of the semester, i'm afraid of being alone (for good reason because this is the neighborhood where Brianna Dennison was abducted and murdered)i don't know anyone so i can't get a roommate; i wouldn't want a stranger staying in my home anyway. i'm afraid i won't get used to it and have to move back in with my parents and see it as a failure. i'm afraid i'll never be able to move on with my life and will always be with my parents. i'm afraid of the social implications it involves; it will set the notion that i am not a capable, normal adult, that something is inherently wrong with me and i will continue on without friendship or romance or a social life.

so i was up quivering all night and i have an exam in a couple of hours. (and my head hurts) i hate being like this. i wasn't always, there was a time when i had an apartment i stayed in and had friends and a social life but its like i've forgotten how to do it. i hope there will be a time when even if things aren't 'normal' i can at least find a niche and people that i'm comfortable around. yup, thats my ramble for this morning, thanks for listening. wish my luck on the exam.

February 19th, 2008

(no subject)

buy buy buy!
i'm curious about something and wonder if you good people would help me out with your own experience.
i know panic attacks and anxiety are a common thing, so i hear, correct? so that must mean a lot of people suffer from varying degrees of it. for me personally i had one hellish experience with it;
(i'll make it short)
turned 21 lost the farm. my family lost our money, home, hometown and future for sometime. reasonably this triggered panic attacks and extreme depression and anxiety though at the time i didn't understand it. i had two best friends who were my support. they stopped being my support after a while because i kept panicking while we would go hang out and i stopped wanting to go out. stopped talking to me completely, actually. so the situation i was in was i lost my only social contact (outside my parents). it took me some three and a half years of counciling to get back into school. been in school for almost three years (graduating in december) and i've found that while getting back into society and social things i have yet to make a single close friend.
i know people, i wave when i see them on campus but i don't know anyone.
i am 27 now. i don't really have any friends. i still have panic attacks but i can work through them for the most part. how do you make new friends? without hanging out at bars or parties because that's not really my thing. i do things, i go to clubs, i try to be friendly and social during my classes but even when the people i meet say 'i'll call you and we'll hang out' they never do.
does anyone else have this sort of experience? is it just me? i'm having one hell of a time finding new friends and its really lonely. i want to go DO things with people. should i just start asking people to go and hang out with me? is that desperate? i guess i'm socially retarded or something. i also have the sneaking feeling that it has something to do with social groups and the whole insider/outsider view. breaking into somebody's 'group' is like trying to break into Fort Knox or something. as an outsider, naturally nobody wants to let me in i guess. i'm really REALLY tired of not doing anything on my weekends.

please, advice?

February 17th, 2008

(no subject)

i apologize for the post before this.

December 26th, 2007

I went off medication in late August and am just going back on something (I was unhappy with Paxil. I am now on Cymbalta.) Part of my impetus for going back on meds is that whenever I lie down to go to sleep at night I have vicious panic attacks. The kind that make your whole body feel electric and twitchy and make you feel so terrified you want to curl up in the fetal position and rock back and forth or hide in your closet. I have been taking an Ativan before bed, and using Bach's "Rescue Sleep" remedy and "Rescue Remedy" to no avail. I've tried herbal bedtime teas of every sort imaginable, warm milk (ew, but I'll try anything...) and I am still not sleeping more than an hour or two a night, no matter how exhausted I am. It's somewhat of a nightmare. Sigh... Every little sound sets me off, from my husband's deep breathing as he sleeps, to the sounds of the person who lives upstairs.

Not looking for solutions, just needed to write about this somewhere.... I hope the Cymbalta kicks in soon. I have heard of it being somewhat like Prozac in its need to take a while to get into one's system.

I wish there was some natural sleep remedy I could take that was of no risk of causing addiction and wouldn't clash with the Cymbalta. Maybe melatonin/calcium/magesium/zinc ? I don't know of anything suitable for daily use.

Hope everyone is having a panic free holiday.

November 11th, 2007

And stayed concious the entire trip for a change!

When I had the accident my own doctor had fallen and broken an ankle the day before I believe.

As a result I have never really had one physician coordinating my recovery but rather a bunch of different doctors who never spoke to one and other thanks to the US's wonderful new HIPPA laws. One emergency rooms patches me up and sends me packing to another emergency room with the assurance I just had some scalp damage that needed dealt with. I arrive there unconscious and lucky me the on call physician isn't actually there but his plastic surgery partner specializing in breast augmentation is filling in and sure they can sew my head back on and she looks at me and has to spend an hour first debriding my back of all the glass embedded in it that the first ER must just have missed and she's totally unaware that gee maybe someone should have thought to x-ray my neck but she stuck it out and in my opinion did the best she could for being ambushed with a multiple trauma victim instead of the simple stitch his head back on for us please that she was expecting.

November 4th, 2007

(no subject)

 My panic story: it's a long one.  
First experience with panic that I can remember.  Up until the age of 10 I was a happy little girl running around, playing in the yard, confident, good student, etc.  My father decided to take me out several times with his mistress.  Once to the beach, on to the park with her son, and once the Bloomingdale's resteraunt with this woman's whole family (aunts, uncles, parents, son).  My parents were married at this time, and still are married today.  I didn't understand excactly what was going on, but I knew that something was wrong and not right.  I bagan to choke, and began to fear food.  None of the doctors knew what it was.  As time went by I started a new school, and all my attention was placed on new friends, etc.  The anxiety went away, but I was left with a feeling of uncertainty and anger that was apparent in everything I did.  

Second experience I was 21.  I had chosen horrible boyfriends, because of self steem issues, no clue about what I wanted to be, and was flunking university.  All the sudden worst panic attack.  I thought i was going to die, that I was having a heart attack, and that I was going nuts.  Lost weight, couldn't eat.  Went to pshychologists, and I got better within two years.  A couple of years later, I got married, and had a baby.  I thankfully didn't expereince any anxiety while pregnant or soon after my gorgeous son was born.  After about a year after my son was born i had a fight with my husband, and I had a panic fueled with I'm going crazy thoughts.  horrible.............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!My son is now 2 years old, and i'm stilling feeling it.  I feel so much fear.  I don't get racing heart anymore, but this wave of fear and total freaked outness still plagues me.  What is frustrating is that I'll feel anxiety free a couple of days, and then i wake up and it's there again.  I get dissapointed and sad when this happens. This doens't help though I just have to be patient.  
I just spilled my beans, sorry if it's really long, i'm a panic afficionado.
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